Bootsy Collins loves Jamie Lee Curtis and Coffee is fantastic
GULP GULP GULP GULP GULP GULP GULP. Mmmm, smell that liquid crack. It smells good, doesn’t it? GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME TO BLOG ABOUT.
About forty five minutes ago, I bought a 24 oz. cup of coffee from the local Wawa. For the readers who find themselves unfortunate enough to live outside the Pennsylvania-New Jersey region, in a nutshell, Wawa is thebombdotcom. It puts 7 Eleven to shame even on it’s worst day. Google that jawnsky and realize what you’ve been missing, because I don’t have the time to give a wawa history lesson. Just know that this bad boy is ready to blog.it.up. I don’t think this coffee induced blogfest will become a series at Totally Unapologetic but I could be wrong. The more and more I drink this coffee, the more and more I sip myself into insanity. FUN, FUN, FUN!
The AMA’s were this past weekend and I didn’t watch. So, if you’re expecting another 3500 words from Nick and I on that horse manure you need to look elsewhere because it ain’t up in this blerg. We only do posts about the big dogs (the Grammy’s, Oscars, Razzies,
AVN Awards, Slammy’s, etc.) I didn’t hear about anything worth missing anyway, Gaga was Gaga, Miley was a cuntbag Miley, and Taylor Swift was there winning awards while also bringing back the “I’m gonna act really really shocked so that people will believe I actually am in disbelief of all my fame and wealth” face. Right on, Tay Tay!
Speaking of Tay Tay, her homeboi Kanye released the video for “Bound 2”. Which was basically like the PG version of the Kim Khardashian and Ray J sex tape. BUT, to make up for the shortage of actual nipples and vuh-jay-jay, there was plenty of riding being done. Kanye riding the bike, Kim riding Kanye and the bike, my brain riding itself off a cliff, etc. In response to the music video, Seth Rogen and James Franco did their own version with plenty of man on man action to make even Elton John feel uncomfortable. And while I’m on the subject of James Franco, please take the time out to look at this man’s instagram page. It’s gold, Jerry, gold. After the Jimmy Kimmel incident I cannot wait for Kanye to respond to this music video. The night he hit defcon five after seeing Jimmy Kimmel doing a parody of his interview with Zane Lowe was priceless. He unleashed a verbal assault on Kimmel via Twitter which deserved a place in the Twitter Hall of Fame, right next to the Fansons vs. Totally Unapologetic (see our last Magic & Bird blog post.) And while we’re on the topic of Kanye, has anyone noticed since he said the line “shout out to Derrick Rose, man that nigga nice” Derrick Rose hasn’t had working knees? Coincidence? I think not.
*Update* Apparently, Kanye and Kim both found the ‘Bound 3’ video hilarious, disappointing but I guess you cant always get what you want.
Social media has been a fun place recently, even though I’ve been using all forms of it in spurts. Especially this past weekend, when my tweet was favorited by legendary manager, “the Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart. The fat, balding wrestling fan inside me burst with tears. It was a truly monumental moment that will only be surpassed by the eventual birth of my child. KNEELIFT!
I now have the okay in life. Honestly, I felt like Ric Flair after winning the 1992 Royal Rumble. WITH A TEAR IN MY EYE,THIS IS THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE! Okay, it really wasn’t the greatest moment of my life but what the hell have you done on Twitter lately? Don’t worry, I’ll wait.
Amongst the social media madness was my main man Bootsy Collins on Facebook. And before I go further with this portion of this post I’d like to say that if you don’t follow Bootsy Collins on Twitter or Facebook, why do you even have one to begin with? You most definitely ain’t got the funk. Anywho, I found myself scrolling through the facebook-verse(?) and saw the little nugget pictured below. Bootsy Collins wished Jamie Lee Curtis a Happy Birthday. This was a shoe-in for the “Huh?” moment of the week. The fact that Bootsy Collins and Jamie Lee have some sort of relationship with one another makes me wonder what exactly that relationship is.
What if, after all these years, Jamie Lee Curtis was an avid fan of Parliament Funkadelic. And what is the love button? I wonder how many happies she got on her birthday. I feel as though my whole life I’ve been lied to. My whole perception of Laurie Strode has done a 180. What if she really was hallucinating the entire time? Like Michael Myers was a fragment of her imagination while on psychedelic drugs. Halloween means nothing to me now! And why wasn’t she mentioned by Old Gregg? I WANT ANSWERS! MY LIFE IS A LIE!
I’d like to say that whatever Bootsy is on, I want some of that oooh-wee. I’ll even give up coffee to try it. Clearly, he’s still got the funk. Even after all these years. Jamie Lee Curtis has most definitely got the funk.
I recommend everyone to take a shower while listening to Daft Punk’s album “Discovery” it’s an exhilarating experience. It’s like showering in a night club.There’s nothing quite like raving to “One More Time” while in the shower. Just don’t try to bust your ass busting a move. Whoops! Speaking of exhilarating experiences, also try to drive down the highway going 85 mph while listening to “Bohemian Rhapsody” by yourself after drinking a monster cup of coffee. GALILEO! GALILEO! I know its dangerous but then again, so is watching television.
This past weekend was the 50th anniversary of JFKs ass-ass-ination. Various media outlets had put together specials on the life of Kennedy and they all fell short in my opinion. Why did they all want to talk about John F. Kennedy, the president? Not once did I see one of these specials mentioning John F. Kennedy, the pimp. Kennedy made Bill Clinton look like the 40 year old virgin. Kennedy gained access to Marilyn Monroe’s “oral office” for crying out loud. Triple OG, swagga on a hunna. UHH *Rick Ross voice*
On a sad note, I ran out of coffee…which means this blog post is over.
Til next time, monkeys.
P.S. Happy THANKSGIVING