Oscars 2014: The Predictions

Well, well, well. Hello, readers, cinephiles and monkeys alike. Welcome to the inaugural Academy Awards prediction post. Yes, I know. Award shows are such bullshit, even the Oscars. I’m gonna go all Rust Cohle for a moment and give a “time is a flat circle” speech. It’s just a little ridiculous that society foams at the mouth over the opinion of a very small, specific group of people who sometimes base their opinion off of the things going on outside of the performances and films rather than the work itself. On top of that, we,  the lower and middle class citizens of the country, spend three hours of our time watching the most wealthy of the upper class suck each others dicks and hand each other imaginary brass rings for validation. That, my friends, is an award show. Clearly, I’ve been watching too much True Detective(false, there is no such thing as “too much” True Detective). Now, as I steer back on track, I’ll say that regardless of my logical thinking, I need something to talk about and why not another award show, cause that’s fun and stuff. The Oscars are the measuring stick in film. Right, wrong or indifferent, that’s the way it is. The Oscars are where we separate the great films from the good ones and the memorable actors from the icons. This is where the Academy Awards separates itself from its contemporary, The Grammys. The Grammys are a more tricky award show to base any opinion off of because it’s about commercial performance first and quality second.  In contrast, the Oscars usually play second fiddle to the Grammys in terms of buzz and attention, mainly because of the lack of controversy that goes on. That lack of controversy comes from the fact that the majority of the nominees have actually earned their place in their respective categories in the opinions of many.  So, the more deserving, the less entertaining. Now, with me being the filmie that I am as well as being your very thoughtful and charming intellectual savior, I’ve decided to give my own Oscar 2014 predictions to you, the reader. Assisting yours truly is my partner in crime, Nick Gattone, with a “worst of the worst” section, honoring the worst of cinema in 2013.

e0978b398c77f2d9434e9b2ad6e9610b9ae2f535_mLast years Oscars were met with some quiet controversy as Argo got the Best Picture nod over Lincoln and Seth McFarlane sucked a fat one as the show’s host. But have no fear, the 2014 edition of the Oscars is hosted by none other than Ellen Degeneres. This is Ellen’s second time hosting the Academy Awards(her first being in 2007) and usually when you get asked to host a second time you’re either sucking someone in Hollywood’s dick or you happened to do pretty well the first time. Considering Ellen’s sexual orientation, she probably hasn’t given a blowjob in a while(if ever) and she did a pretty fine job(no pun intended) hosting in 2007. So bringing her back this year was a no-brainer. And who doesn’t love Ellen Degeneres? Hating Ellen is like taking a dump on a delicious pizza or  not knowing all the words to “Bohemian Rhapsody”. It’s one of those things that you just don’t do. I’m expecting this years show to be a step-up from last years. Not only because Ellen is a much better host, but also because 2013 was a great year for film and the field of nominees seem stronger than 2012.

BestOriginal Song

Berlin, Three 6 Mafia and Bob Dylan.  All past winners of The Academy Award for Best Original Song and also have more Oscars than Leonardo DiCaprio.

BEST MUSIC – ORIGINAL SONG

The Field

  • “Happy” from Despicable Me 2 – Pharrell Williams
  • “Let It Go” from Frozen – Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez
  • “The Moon Song” from Her – Karen Orzolek (Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs) and Spike Jonze
  • “Ordinary Love” from Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom – U2

How could I have possibly left this one out? I enjoy the Best Original Song award. You’d be surprised looking at the list of artists who have earned this award(see picture above)

Who Got Snubbed?

“Atlas” by Coldplay from Catching Fire comes to mind. It was one of the best tracks Coldplay has released in almost five years. “Please Mr. Kennedy” from Inside Llewyn Davis is another one that surprisingly did not get nominated.

Who Should Win?

“Ordinary Love” – U2

The Danger Mouse-produced track is nothing short of awesome. It’s a good promotional tool for U2’s upcoming album and it’s just another one of those U2 songs that seem to bring people together.

Who Will Win?

“Ordinary Love”

No original song from a motion picture created the buzz that “Ordinary Love” did. It’s also the best song in the field. No brainer.

BEST WRITING – ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

The Field

  • American Hustle – Eric Warren Singer and David O. Russell
  • Blue Jasmine – Woody Allen
  • Dallas Buyers Club – Craig Borten and Melisa Wallack
  • Her – Spike Jonze
  • Nebraska – Bob Nelson

Here’s one of my favorite categories of the night, the Original Screenplay. This year features a pretty good bunch. Woody Allen is under heat for allegedly being a creepy child molester (again), so his work on Blue Jasmine is pretty much tainted. The duo of Eric Warren Singer and David O. Russell wrote a fantastic script for American Hustle and what can’t be said about Spike Jonze’s screenplay for Her?

Who Got Snubbed?

This is the one category where I truly believe the Academy got right. Inside Llewyn Davis could be a considered to be a snub if I wanna get knit-picky.

Who Should Win?

Her

Spike Jonze’s screenplay is the most original thing of the bunch but also the best. The core of a great screenplay is a fresh but great idea and Jonze’s was head and shoulders above the rest in the screenplay department.

Who Will Win?’

Her

The Academy usually gets this one right. Last year, it was a toss-up between Django Unchained and Moonrise Kingdom. Django ended up getting the nod likely because of its more colorful players as well as its unique, original fiction on American slavery.This year, no one really matches Spike Jonze’s original concept, as well as characters and setting.

scott-pilgrim-scott-pilgrim-vs-the-world-23337716-500-228

BEST WRITING – ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

The Field

  • Before Midnight – Richard Linklater, Julie Delpy, and Ethan Hawke
  • Captain Phillips – Billy Ray
  • Philomena – Steve Coogan and Jeff Pope
  • 12 Years a Slave – John Ridley
  • The Wolf of Wall Street – Terence Winter

Who Got Snubbed?

I’d say Behind the Candelabra, if I had one quip with the nominees, but none of these are really that replaceable and I’m not sure how the Academy handles TV films(“it’s not TV, its HBO”)

Who Should Win?

12 Years a Slave

There are very few films that captivated like 12 Years a Slave did in 2013. But by the looks of how it’s been treated during awards season so far, it wont receive the fitting amount of praise it deserves.

Who Will Win?

Before Midnight

The Academy usually doesn’t give the adapted screenplay award to historical screenplays probably because of some asinine reason like the amount of resources one can use to write the film. The Academy will pay tribute to the end of a rather well done trilogy and also use this as an apology for snubbing Before Midnight in the Best Picture category. Richard Linklater and co. deserve at least some credit.

Jennifer Lawrence, 2013 Academy Award Winner, certified meme machine and hero to the insecure.

Jennifer Lawrence, 2013 Academy Award Winner, certified meme machine, hero to the insecure.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

The Field

  • Jennifer Lawrence – American Hustle
  • Sally Hawkins – Blue Jasmine
  • Lupita Nyong’o – 12 Years a Slave
  • Julia Roberts – August: Osage County
  • June Squibb  – Nebraska

Who Got Snubbed?

One could make an argument for Léa Seydoux from Blue Is the Warmest Colour.  Due to the films lack of exposure and controversial nature, Seydoux’s performance got put on the backburner.

Who Should Win?

Lupita Nyong’o – 12 Years a Slave

In her film debut, Nyong’o was mesmerizing as Patsy. She absolutely stole the screen in every scene she was in. One of the biggest reasons why 12 Years a Slave was such a beautiful film. I’d also like to mention that it was her debut on the big screen. SHE PICKED 500 LBS OF COTTON EVERY DAY! PATSY!

Who Will Win?

Lupita Nyong’o – 12 Years a Slave

My heart tells me that the Academy is going with JLawr off of star appeal and popularity, but my gut is telling me that they’ll do the right thing and give Lupita Nyong’o the nod because A.) She rightfully earned the best supporting actress award and B.) Having Jennifer Lawrence win two years in a row is not the Academy’s style, plus they’re probably as tired of seeing insecure white girls sharing Jennifer Lawrence memes as I am.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

The Field

  • Barkhad Abdi – Captain Phillips
  • Bradley Cooper – American Hustle
  • Jared Leto – Dallas Buyers Club
  • Michael Fassbender – 12 Years A Slave
  • Jonah Hill – The Wolf of Wall Street

Who Got Snubbed?

James Gandolfini – Enough Said

It would have been nice tribute to the late Galdolfini by nominating his performance in Enough Said. Many had called his performance the beginning of something new in Galdolfini’s career if he had been alive today. It was a performance that showcased  a new side of the late actor that audiences had not been accustomed to, making it even harder to cope with the fact that he’s gone. 😦

Who Should Win?

Jared Leto – Dallas Buyers Club

While my opinions on his band are mixed, Leto’s turn as Rayon was absolutely brilliant. There wasn’t a scene in which featured Leto where he failed to steal the screen. As much as I loved Michael (HEIL) Fassbender’s performance as the intense slave owner Edwin Epps, I have to give Leto the nod over him.

Who Will Win?

Jared Leto – Dallas Buyers Club

I’m sure Fassbender will have his day at the Oscars soon, but unfortunately, this year just ain’t that year. NO HEIL FASSBENDA!

LIGHTNING ROUND featuring Nick Gattone and the worst of the worst of Cinema in 2013.

Nick here, tagging in to bring you the worst silver-screen shenanigans 2013 had to offer. I mean…there’s been WAY too much quality cinema in this post so far. Way too much. Let’s fix that.

Worst Screenplay

Whatever team of monkeys wrote After Earth. It’s not even worth looking it up. If you’ve never seen After Earth, do yourself a goddamn favor and go watch After Earth. It’s a sprawling pile of Smith-family horse shit. Will Smith’s name in it is Cypher Raige. CYPHER RAIGE. THAT’S HIS NAME. CYPHER. RAIGE.

Worst Supporting Actress

I’ve watched exactly 31 seconds of Tyler Perry’s Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor. This 31 seconds right here. That’s all I need to see to know Kim Kardashian deserves this. She’s pretty much playing herself and she’s still bad at it.

Worst Supporting Actor

Again, gonna say this without actually having seen the movie, but Chris Brown was in a movie this year. It was called Battle of The Year and it was about, uh, dancing. In 3D. 3D dancing. I’m just gonna assume Mr. Brown was bad. Even if he was great, he’s a shitbag. Really, I’m giving him this for being Chris Brown.

Worst Actress

Holy shit on a stick. Getaway, the movie for which Selena Gomez is earning this nod…well just look. Have you ever seen 2% critical approval? Not me. Gomez’s performance reminds me a lot of her- plastic, vapid, and will never be talked about again in a couple of years.

Worst Actor

Jaden Smith for After Earth. It takes some serious talent when you’re the worst actor in a given year AND the biggest idiot on twitter. Please Take A Look At His Tweets And Note His Tweeting Format, Which Makes Little Sense To Me.

Worst Picture

Grown Ups 2. This movie has no plot. Normally when I say that, I mean it as hyperbole-there is really a plot, but it’s so dull it doesn’t feel like it. For Grown Ups, I mean it literally. There is literally no plot. Nothing happens. Farts. Pee. That’s all. I’m serious.

Meryl_Streep_by_Jack_Mitchell

Meryl Streep, 3 time winner, 15 time nominee, and notorious Academy award-hogger. Fuck you Meryl for being so great and looking like a total babe in this picture. Circa 1980ish

BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE

The Field

  • Sandra Bullock – Gravity
  • Cate Blanchett – Blue Jasmine
  • Judy Dench – Philomenia
  • Amy Adams – American Hustle
  • Meryl Streep – August: Osage County

This award, to me, is a two-woman race between Amy Adams and Cate Blanchett. Sandra Bullock gets a nod because a) she’s a huge name and b) she basically acted in the film by herself. Meryl Streep must be married to one of the voters because she’s nominated every fucking year. It’s not the Oscars without Meryl Streep earning a nomination, see how much last years show suffered without her presence in the nominees? I’m sure there is a union of actresses that secretly hate Meryl Streep for being so good at her craft. She’s probably the Regina George of acting. “Raise your hand if any of you have been violated by Meryl Streep?” Anyway,  Judy Dench fills up the field of nominations with her awesome performance in Philomenia. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the Academy threw in some type of crazy plot-twist where Judy Dench walks away with the trophy. The voters are fickle like that.

Who Got Snubbed?

Brie Larson – Short Term 12

Critics have been calling Larson’s performance in Short Term 12 one of the years best, if not the best female lead. Larson is beginning to earn her keep as big time leading lady material. I think she could have notched a spot over Sandy B for sure, but of course Sandy B gets the nod based on reputation and fame. While I haven’t actually seen Larson in Short Term 12, she gets snub recognition solely based on her performance as Envy Adams in Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

avatar_brie_larson_as_envy_adams_in_scott_pilgrim_vs_the_world_2010_d0VL3Ln.sized

hubba hubba hubba

Who Should Win?

Amy Adams – American Hustle

There was no actress this year who put on a more unbelievable performance than Amy Adams in American Hustle. While her co-star Jennifer Lawrence was the one in the spotlight, Adams was the film’s heart. She righted the ship whenever Hustle had began to teeter just a bit. She’s that good. In fact, over the past decade it could be argued that Adams has been putting together great performance after great performance. You want drama? Check out her performance in The Fighter or Junebug. You want comedy? Try her lowkey performances in Enchanted, Julie and Julia and Talladega Nights. You want extreme complexity? Check out The Master or  the performance she’s nominated for in American Hustle. Hell, she can even handle blockbusters(Man of Steel). With the exception of her fellow nominee Cate Blanchett and one time award winner Kate Winslet, there’s no other actress in the past ten years that has shown as much versatility and talent as Amy Adams. She’s essentially done every type of role you can think of. On top of that, she’s been nominated four times already while ending up with the gold a whopping zero times. Give the woman a damn Oscar!

Who Will Win?

Cate Blanchett – Blue Jasmine

I have this sneaking suspicion that American Hustle‘s notoriety and Amy Adams’ lack of Oscars will hurt her chances. Judging by her case history, she could be the female Leo. I think Cate Blanchett(one-time Academy Award winner) who also put together a fantastic performance of her own in Blue Jasmine, seems to be the alternate that the Academy is looking for. And who really is going to argue that she didn’t deserve it either? I think the year in female performances belonged to Adams in American Hustle, but that ends up meaning nothing come Sunday night.

Jack Nicholson, three time Academy Award winner

Jack Nicholson, three time Academy Award winner

BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE

The Field

  • Christian Bale – American Hustle
  • Bruce Dern – Nebraska
  • Matthew McConaughey – Dallas Buyers Club
  • Leonardo DiCaprio – The Wolf of Wall Street
  • Chiwetel Ejiofor – 12 Years a Slave

Who Got Snubbed?

Michael B. Jordan really broke out this year in Fruitvale Station in his heartfelt performance as Oscar Grant. Another snub could have been Joaquin Phoenix as Theodore Twombly in Her. Wait….wait a minute…THEY FORGOT TOM HANKS IN CAPTAIN PHILLIPS TOO?!

Who Should Win?

Tie: Chiwetel Ejiofor/Matthew McConaughey

These two have been going head to head in my book all awards season and honestly if either of them were to win Best Actor, it’d be awesome. Matthew McConaughey has reinvented himself in a span of three years, ditching crappy romantic comedies and slipping into serious roles, his career best with 2013’s Dallas Buyers Club. Ejiofor was the lightning rod that kept 12 Years a Slave together. He told Solomon Northup’s tragedy and triumph as perfectly as an actor can. Many times, he did so without even saying a word at all.

Who Will Win?

Leonardo DiCaprio – The Wolf of Wall Street

I think this is really the year that the Academy gives Leo his due. I think this mostly because deciding between Ejiofor and McConaughey proves to be too much of a challenge for the Academy. Leo will serve as the voters’ loophole to avoid picking between the two. Leo will probably pull a Sally Field once he wins.

BEST DIRECTOR

The Field

  • David O. Russell – American Hustle
  • Alfonso Cuarón – Gravity
  • Alexander Payne – Nebraska
  • Steve McQueen – 12 Years a Slave
  • Martin Scorsese – The Wolf of Wall Street

Who Got Snubbed?

Spike Jonze – Her

I don’t really understand how the Academy left Jonze out of the nominees. Her was a huge achievement in cinema when it comes to it’s story and unique vision. All of which comes from the man in charge in Spike Jonze, who wrote, directed and produced the film.

Who Should Win?

Steve McQueen – 12 Years a Slave

If you have the Best Picture, you should win the award for Best Director. Bang bang.

Who Will Win?

Steve McQueen – 12 Years a Slave

*see above*

Gravity 2, coming to a theater near you, 2015

Gravity 2, coming to a theater near you in 2015

BEST PICTURE

The Field

  • American Hustle
  • Captain Phillips
  • The Wolf of Wall Street
  • 12 Years a Slave
  • Philomenia
  • Gravity
  • Her
  • Nebraska
  • Dallas Buyers Club

This category has way too many nominees. People have an idea what the three or four top films are and quite frankly the Academy just throws in a shit ton of nominees just for the fun of it. Does anyone actually believe that Captain Phillips or Philomenia has a chance? Or Nebraska and Dallas Buyers Club even? I think if you have just five nominees in the Best Director category you should have five for the Best Picture.

Who Got Snubbed?

Inside Llewyn Davis, Blue is the Warmest Colour, Fruitvale Station all come to mind  when you consider the fact that there are NINE nominees already.

tumblr_lp6fjpCRo81qz4yoao1_500

NINE times

Who Should Win?

12 Years a Slave

No film in 2013 was the term “classic” better suited for than Steve McQueen’s 12 Years a Slave. The performances were stellar, the story was painfully honest and heartbreaking, the cinematography was second to none and the set/costume design were as good as it gets. When you look at all the films nominated, 12 Years a Slave is just a cut above it’s contemporaries.

Who Will Win?

12 Years a Slave

I see the Academy rewarding 12 Years a Slave at the end of the night and rightfully so. There has been chatter of Gravity possibly stealing the Best Picture award, but I firmly believe that McQueen’s latest is just too good to deny.

Well, that’s that. Check out the 86th Academy Awards on ABC at 8:30 PM ET and see if my predictions actually came true. I’ll probably be live tweeting it (@ImEricCortes) and stuff.

By the way, WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE!

tumblr_mapugnnAYK1qduy16o1_500

Advertisements